I always feel that ignoring people’s bullshit is a high level skill.

Cause for one to set aside their anger and choose to ignore, shutting their emotions & walk away, its never easy

But then again, I was thinking thru, why the hell should I be affected by people whom has nth got to do with me ?

Are they part of my life when I need them ?

Are they impt?

If no, then all these ppl should not matters & affect my emotions.

I should not even need to feel negative about people who are ain’t impt.

Right?

Cheers ! For a better week ahead!

I miss her.

I really do.

But I’m so afraid of her

Afraid of her insanities

Afraid to even dream of her

Afraid to hear negative things from her to affect my feelings again.

Afraid that I need to protect myself to shout against her.

I wonder how have she been….?

Is she getting from bad to worse?

Is she being loved by her son?

I’m feeling sad, sad for her as well….

My landloard’s daughter was asking me ‘Do you have parents? She continued saying “Everyone have parents, everyone have daddy & mommy”….

I have no idea how to answer her.

I also hope I have proper parents.

Someone blood related, who loves me dearly & does not degrades me.

Frustrations.

Anger

Confuse

Sad…

 

I would rather you not giving birth to me.

Than telling me I owe you my life.

9yrs ago, I wrote you a farewell letter.

Through my schooling years, I’ve been wondering where you are.

9years later, heard upon you being a lost soul. I feel guilty & sad & blame them for being selfish doing what they think is right for them to do, but not doing what they suppose to do for you. Left you hungry, homeless & so many unfortunate things constantly happen.

I pray for you to Rest In Peace, and provide peace for your daughter as well.

Her life has been upside down ever since you left. She’s really sad & she really needs your help to move on with her life.

She’s your most loved Daughter in the family, isn’t it?

She is granted to you by god in your dream isn’t she?

Now that she doesn’t have her own real family , she’s all by herself with her Boyfriend & her Boyfriend’s family support. She has no own kin & own relatives to support her in her life anymore.

Does she deserves all these?

Accusations …

Pests infestations …

She wishes for a decent stable job, debts free, a loving husband & having her own family.

Can you help her with that?

She really needs your help as a Father.

You’ve never once bought her a birthday gift that ever child wants from their parents.

She remembers you for buying her lunch and fruits every weekends.

She remembers she tries to teach you chinese words when you are having stroke.

She remembers you for being a talented religious painter & you drew the bread factory map so well. She remembers your talent, your jokes, laughter, mischievous face whenever mom scolds you.

She remembers & feel sad how lonely you are when you’re all alone at the void deck doing nothing & yet there’s nth that she knows she can do. She hates to see mom doing this to you, and she wonders why does it seems normal in her eyes.

There’s so much complicated feelings she’s feeling until now.

She’s going to help you for your last journey, hope that you can find peace & finally have a home:)

Can you help her with that to make her life normal & happy once again ? 🙏🏻

I miss you.

And I really wanted a normal happy loving family like others do.

I miss you and I hate missing you.

You’re aged so much

I wish that you could a nice person to me

I want to be there for you

But I hate the way you’ve treated me

I hate the way that you

Never trust me

Accuse me

Abandon me

Demand from me

Screams at me without listening

Never once tried to understand me

Never once understood my difficulties

Never once being happy for me

Never once feel proud of having me

You displayed the things I’ve made for you.

Like trophies

You just wanted to be loved

Neither do I.

Why do we have to hurt each other this way?

The past 2mths, my life has been a huge rollercoaster ride.

Adjusting to changes & changes

Nic says I will be a stronger person

I’m so sick of changes but with his encouragement I know my life has to move on.

I feel sad.

I don’t understand why these things have to happen on me.

I live with no intention to give trouble to anyone. And all the problems seems to be attracted to me.

I know I’m supposed to be strong & positive. Cause I have to. I have none but left with Nic.

My health. I dunno what’s wrong with it. I know that it’s not functioning normal.

How?

Moving hse, doctor bills?

How about our housing?!

What am I going to do with all these issues coming to me all at the same time.

I told myself, no matter how bad life is,

I have to ask myself to think abt 3things in my current life that worth to be happy and contented and appreciative about.

So that I have the strength to live forward

I realised.

Any forms of relationships are the same.

Be in kinship, lovers & friends

Be a Giver & a Receiver, as it works best in both ways.

 

If one shuts his/her gate, the other party can never enter no matter how much time has passed or how much he/she tries to bang the wall down.

It’s exhausting, so exhausting.

You can add in more locks to your door & I can stop trying to find keys to unlock them.

I found a window and it takes a lot of courage to jump out from the window.

I have no wings to fly tho.

I am only human, but I need to live, I had no choice.

7th Feb , a day of annual celebration for us again.

Times flies, it’s the 2^nd CNY we celebrated tgt too.

Neither of us planned anything for today, just a simple good dinner will be enough ❤

He bought me yummy fav snacks from taka to my office during lunch!

I bought him a jersey material t-shirt as his cny clothes aka anniversary present. LOL

We can’t wait to build our own nest together. I’m still waiting for my proposal & ring tho.

Not sure if we could get the next bto, hopefully we can achieve it tgt.

February is such a festive period; Chinese New Year, Anniversary & Valentine’s day.

 

I never had constant nightmares like these before.

Nightmares tire me out.

Its strange, to know how frighten I was in my dreams.

The love hate relationship is way too strong.

I am so afraid that she will broke me again cause I know I’m never the same anymore.

 

She torn my reputation & named me a convict of a crime which I never did.

I just want to run away from you, you know ?

So that I can live in peace with myself.

 

It is so scary to realise the fact I’m better off with myself than living with someone who constantly hurts me.

She has no guilt

She is stubborn

She is selfish

She denies anyone who cross her path, she is a believer of her own.

She believes she has every right to do things her way as she is a mother

She didn’t’ realised , she was a mother.

But not now.