Dialed 5times.
On 5th time, finally my call is answered.
I thought that by calling thru that 24hrs hotline & sharing my feelings, I will get helped.
But nope.
I can sense that after than 1hr conversation, she’s rushing me to end the cal. She felt that years ago issues that I shared does not help, but what’s current issues and actions are more impt.
If it does not help, why did I choose to tell you? I tell you because they all links to my current state.
Mental patients don’t go insane immediately. It can be accumulation of incidents that happened in the history and after some time that causes the patient to become ill.
Because they could not comprehend and digest all the incidents & emotions.
They are very troubled.
Given a choice, that’s not the life that they want either.
For myself, I’ve emotionally stressed for at least 9years. And I did not realised that my mental health was badly affected.
I can’t comprehend how I actually managed to survive thru these years & in fact did so well that I managed to land on my current job.
While struggling with emotions, kinship, relationship with boyfriend, work, friendship…. I find myself amazing that I’m a survival. I didn’t land myself into IMH.
I don’t want my guilt to consumes me. Neither do I want to make my life negative & feeling negative again. I’m just a simple girl who tries to live everyday right & to feel good about it.
I just don’t feel good.
And I’m sad.
